These Phrases given by My Parent Which Saved Me when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."